Ten Tips for Wallpaper-Strippers

1. Do NOT believe your mother-in-law when she says, “Don’t trust pre-pasted wallpaper.” She may insist you liberally brush on additional paste, but 3 decades later you’ll rue the day. The resulting hybridized goo will only turn to something close to concrete on your walls.

2. Realize wallpaper and walls are all about togetherness, just like peas and carrots, and take their marriage vows seriously. If there is to be a divorce, you will be the one in charge of negotiating the proceedings and settlement, and legislating the eventual terms. Much clutching, clawing, scraping and tear-like rivers of water could be involved.

3. Some paper refuses to let go, especially if concrete-glued (see #1 above). It may hold on to its beloved sheet rock till-death-do-us-part. Casualties could involve the sheet rock (which could tear, gouge, and have to be re-surfaced), the paper (which could come off in teeny, skinny, almost-insulting 1/16”pieces), and your own sanity (which could be questionable anyway if you were the one who decided to hang wallpaper in the first place).

4. Soak, soak, soak! Wet the paper, then wet it again, and again. Wait (while wetting down the next area). Then peel back a corner, pull slowly but deliberately, and hold your breath. If you’re lucky, something wider than 1/16” will come off. To avoid hyperventilation, breathe deeply between cycles.

5. Never assume you can wash leftover glue from a wall once the paper is down. Hardware stores sell enormous sponges for this job (I can hardly hold these monsters and end up cutting them in half), but a scraper (putty knife) is also necessary. Wet the wall, scrape (no gouging, please), and then wipe with a wet sponge. Remember to tell your mother-in-law (discreetly) what you’ve learned about extra paste, namely that it morphs into a sort-of-super-glue that even johnny-on-the-spot-hardware-store -guys (comparable to 911 paramedics) don’t know how to un-bond.

6. It is emotionally healthy to let yourself feel some nostalgia about the specific wallpaper print that has been a backdrop for the drama of your life, especially if YOU picked out the paper originally and/or if YOU hung it. (Aw, those peacocks-among-the-flowers really are cutsey-wootsey little birdies, and their mistrustful, beady eyes are only a sign that they were denied sensitivity training before they took on their job.)

7. Clean up: don’t expect your vacuum sweeper to do the floor’s dirty work. Those 1/16” pieces of wallpaper could definitely clog up the works…especially if they’re glucky with wet glue. Commit to finger-picking scraps, with the knowledge that periodically you will feel as if you’re dealing with strips of fly paper. These will most likely be needing therapy in the aftermath of their recent separation and adopt your hands in lieu of the wall. Just remember about togetherness (#2 above) and death-do-us-part (# 3 above) and resolve to be patient as the surrogate partner.

8. The verb used to describe wallpaper removal is “strip.” But to “strip” wallpaper (the connotation here is that you get every last bit off) you have to double-check your walls for those sheer underwear (lingerie?) layers that insist on clinging for dear life. Don’t let them fool you with their see-through-ness that may have even evaded the scraper (see #5 above).

9. Wallpaper-strippers are often lonely personalities by nature, so don’t be afraid to solicit help – from anyone naïve enough to say “yes.”

10. Resolve to never-ever-again-ever hang wallpaper. Ever.