Heart-to-Heart

Sometimes I’m tempted to curl up inside like a wounded, very young child, one secure and totally dependent on trustworthy adult care. In such moments, I long to know someone else is devoted enough to stop the clock, stop the activity, stop the madness of pushing through pain and take care of me when I can no longer take care of myself; when the infection (emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual) has lasted too long and the puss (literal or figurative) refuses to stop oozing.

In my opinion, loneliness is a plague that threatens in subtle but killing ways, depending on the personality it attacks. Some people build higher walls of self-preservation (convincing themselves of their own fortitude) where they then live with their chosen companion: solitude. Others become volcanoes that periodically belch internal smoke and ash (emotional purges of anger, fear, rejection, inadequacy) to relieve the pressure of intrinsic aloneness. Still others wilt in some deep and foundational spot, and then spend the rest of their lives building and painting a canvas on top of it, one that looks just right to those (like visitors in an art gallery) who view human relationship at arms length. I’m sure there are other options as well, for personalities are as varied as the fingerprints of the people who own them. But in my experience, I’ve never known a person to embrace loneliness as a lifestyle and also remain vibrant and optimally ALIVE. We are not created to be desert islands.

I personally appreciate initiation and transparency - those times when someone cares enough to be interested in the state of my deep heart and invite me into that same plane of interaction in their own lives. I realize not everyone “goes there” – in fact, some may well have a different perception of heart-level living that isn’t quite so….vulnerable.

In reality, as I get older I realize my longings are actually for Paradise and a secure relationship with the Father – a relationship that need not wait, but can and should be fostered here and now. And yet while living on earth, I will also continue to keep an eye out for opportunities to know and be known by other human earthlings who seek similar heart-to-heart relationship with each other and their Lord.