Goodbye Hostess

Heart-broken Twinkie lovers visited my Facebook page yesterday in the wake of Hostess Brands’ shutdown, opening a cultural peephole into the never-never land of What Consumers Want.  It was obvious to me that in this land of opportunity where giant appetites have gone addicted, Twinkies and Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs hold shares in American sweet tooths.

The history of Twinkies is interesting – the tale begins in 1930 – but that’s not what grabs me right now.  Rather, I’m curious to know how this giant corporate food ziggurat grew in the first place, marshmallow-by-marshmallow, to uphold counterfeit foods that aren’t even foods at all, but rather slow toxic killers.  Some of us know the truth, while others just want to have their cake and eat it too, and really don’t care.

I know criticism of Hostess cakes sounds harsh, un-American, and theoretical rather than practical, so before you label me a hypocrite, here’s a true confession: I practically lived on Hostess Cupcakes (chocolate crème-filled cupcakes with chocolate frosting and that classic white squiggle on top) during my college years.  They were my staple.  Benevolent vending machines in every building provided cupcake-meals (would you believe two two-packs, or FOUR cupcakes at a time) for only a couple of silver quarters.  Because of those slot-machines with sweet payoff, I didn’t have to take time for real dinner.  A second confession: I still battle the inner monster I cultivated during that time.

All that to say, I get the addiction part.

But all these eons later, having grown older and wiser, I’ve been converted by the truth: what we cheerily name “junk food” truly is junk.  It trashes our bodies and minds, our whole selves.  However, as my second confession above says, I don’t pretend to be beyond the addictive shark-jaws of tyrannical Hershey bars and jelly beans (and fresh-baked cookies – oh my) in this senior phase, despite significant growth toward recovery.  I do, however, relish idyllic periods of total abstinence from sugar when everyday function reflects close-to-peak physical and emotional well-being for my age.

But I digress.  Here’s a ray of hope that could inspire those grieving the loss of the Hostess snack line… 

Recently I’ve been making gluten-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free desserts (some also all-raw, and goooood) that sometimes happen to be high-protein as well.  Just last week I baked a chocolate snack cake (almond flour, eggs, bitter chocolate, coconut oil, agave nectar and stevia) and topped it with gooey crème (cashews, vanilla, agave nectar and stevia, plus enough water to make it squishy-in-the-mouth like Twinkie filling).  It’s a bit on the rich (fatty) side, but at least the fats aren’t awful, one-molecule-away-from-plastic hydrogenated ones. I baked the cake batter in individual round ramekins – very cute – and then plopped the goo on top like thick whipped cream.  The result?  Mmmmmmauvelous, dreamy snack cake that snubs additive-laden Hostess Cupcakes. I named it Choco-Lot.

If you happen to be one of the frantic individuals grieving Hostess snack cakes (with their millennial shelf lives that could far outlive any of us) who is willing to pay ridiculous amounts for the soon-to-be infamous, last-ever boxes of Twinkies, take heart and lament no more.  All is not lost.  Choco-Lot, and other similar health-friendly alternatives, could be as near as your kitchen.