In recent years, I’ve referred to noise from overlapping referee whistles as a close-but-not-perfect description of my tinnitus. Yesterday another image came to mind. Imagine the half a dozen or so of the highest, most shrill bells of several bell choirs (perhaps like those used by Salvation Army ringers) shaking in a loud frenzy over a static-filled radio station. Now blare it through headphones - in other words, put that all inside your head, non-stop. You can imagine the effect.
This morning I woke early, aware of the need to prepare for the upcoming reunion with our family over the extended 4th of July weekend. It will be wonderful but very noisy, of course! Breathe…release. Breathe…release. Relax. Put the noise in perspective. I am not the noise; it is not me! It resides in me, but does not define me. Breathe…BREATHE…release the air slowly, from the gut.
I needed to pray, and some liturgy learned years before came to the fore. Lord Jesus, have mercy. Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me; Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation. Uphold me with Your free Spirit!*
As I type, the noise blares on, raucous and shrill, like auditory bear claws drawing soul-blood. Lord Jesus Christ (while inhaling), have mercy (while exhaling). Lord Jesus Christ (while inhaling), have mercy (while exhaling). Lord Jesus Christ (while inhaling), have mercy (while exhaling)! Kyrie Eleison!**
*Psalm 51:10
**KYRIE ELEISON – Greek for Lord, have mercy – a repetitive chant used by Christians from at least the 4th century, and perhaps earlier.
2 comments:
Beth I am sorry you are going through this torture. I can only imagine.I pray it will soon be gone.
Oh Beth! I totally get the noise in your head. I can cut out the sodium and caffeine. But floricent lighting is everywhere. And the stress level raises all to frequently. And the ringing can become unbearable at times.
A new perspective, a right spirit was just what i needed to "hear". Although for different reasons, the idea is just as effective.
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