The Oatmeal Box

It is common knowledge that women’s brains can be compared to spaghetti, with multiple thoughts going everywhere at once, while men’s are like compartmentalized boxes. My husband and I are aware of this, and sometimes the analogy comes up in the midst of everyday conversation….

* * *

We’d just pulled into the parking lot at the health food store in the pick-up truck, a couple of country bumpkins on an errand in The City. My husband was behind the wheel (I don’t drive this monster of a vehicle except in emergencies) and started to pull into a space next to a car with a yipping, rat-like dog clawing at the window. 

Thinking ahead, I mentioned something I thought pertinent. “I can get the dedicated gluten-free, old-fashioned oatmeal you like here.  This is the only place I’ve found it.  Do you want some?”

He didn’t reply. We were now stopped at an angle in the parking spot, sort of jackknifed.  The miniature dog continued to scrap at us with savage little barks from behind glass. It wore a fuzzy red Santa outfit, and bared its teeth with each lunge.

I decided to repeat myself.  “I said, (with a pause for emphasis) I can get the oatmeal you like here.”

Silence.

“Oatmeal.  Oatmeal to outer space.  Do you read me?”

He wore a smirk on his face, and leaned on the steering wheel as if for support. “Look. I can only do one thing at a time. Right now I’m busy…I’m, I’m, well...I’m waiting for the car in front of us to pull out so I can park the truck without scraping the cars next to us. That’s what I’m doing.”

“You’re in the parking-the-truck box,” I remarked.

“Exactly. After we’re parked I will gladly talk about something else.”

“Oatmeal,” I reminded him.

“Okay, oatmeal,” he responded. “Sure.”

“Oh gee whiz. Do you know you’re driving my spaghetti absolutely crazy?!” 

“Then you’d better get busy and box up that spaghetti!”

At that point we were both laughing hysterically, and the truck was in perfect position in the parking spot.  He turned off the ignition.

“Do you want oatmeal?” I resumed.

“Oatmeal. Why, yes. That would be absolutely wonderful.  I want to buy oatmeal.  Oatmeal is good.  Thank you very much.”