Easter Evening Thoughts

I’ve sought a deeper walk with Jesus this Lenten season, and yet I must confess I’ve done so in my own strength and at times with my own agenda.  It’s crazy how easy it is to justify this kind of self-centered “worship” even while yearning  to grow smaller, ever smaller, in the presence of His majesty; to submit myself more openly and fully.

Then in the last hours of waiting for Pascha (Easter) I was given new reason to trust Him: a health crisis. I saw my SELF as symbolic of blockage...reminiscent of both as the veil in the temple only He could tear, and as the stone covering the tomb only He could roll away. 

In the hospital the small crucifix on the wall kept my attention in the dimmed light during the wee hours of Friday morning.   I tried to hide from it – hide in emotion like discouragement and self-pity – but it kept calling me out, calling me out.  (I learned later my older son was involved in an all-night vigil reading the Psalms, and was praying for me.)  This is not the first time for such a confrontation.  I had a similar experience with a hospital crucifix when my thyroid was surgically removed 15 years ago.  In both instances, He came to me – confronted me – showed me the necessity of His pure anointing and power and my submission to it.

This Easter evening I'm contemplating how life is so much more than a day-by-day waiting game.  I long to sacrificially yield my whole self to this God who gave Himself completely so that I might live in light rather than darkness – so that I might be immersed in His unfathomable, unstoppable, undeniable compassion.