Liturgical Rescue

Last night at 4:00 a.m. I awoke after a terrifying dream (I was not able to save one of our young children who died in dire circumstances) to the scream of tinnitus. The noise only seemed to perpetuate the horrific emotion of the dream, and I found myself laying there, panic-stricken in the dark of night. It seemed there was no solace or escape since the noise NEVER leaves me alone.

The hours dragged on, but at some point of in-and-out sleep and strange dreams, my mind focused on the Lutheran liturgy I memorized as a young adult, complete with its chant-like- tune. Interestingly, I didn’t begin to understand what I was singing at the time I learned it, and yet it came alive for me in my moment of despair:

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence,
And take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation,
And uphold me with thy free spirit.

Fortunately, those God-words did battle with the noise (an inner war) and I eventually was able to sleep. Upon waking (thank you, Lord, I could sleep in late by myself), they refused to leave me. I find myself living out the day with these words repeating themselves internally, almost like a recording on auto-play. They are restorative: beyond comforting.

I’d made note of the fact some time ago that this liturgical chant was taken from Psalm 51:10-12, and I looked it up again in the NIV:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence of take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase via The Message is interesting:

God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile, and put a fresh wind in my sails!

I also checked out the Latin Vulgate Bible (thanks, John!), where it occurs as Psalm 50:12-14:

Create a clean heart in me, O God: and renew a right spirit within my bowels. Cast me not away from thy face; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and strengthen me with a perfect spirit.

The commonalities are obvious: pleas for God’s presence and Spirit and therefore re-creation/sustaining/upholding/deep renewal at the heart level and joy in His ongoing salvation. It is also interesting to note that David wrote this psalm after committing adultery with Bathsheba.

I’m grateful for even my limited/incomplete understanding of kairos, or God-time. as it intersects with chronos, or earth-time. I can see how God touched David to author this in a kairos moment. I can also see this liturgical “implant” years ago being a provision from God - one that came to mind in a specific moment when I desperately needed Him to quiet my storm-tossed inner world with salvation that is NOW.